my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
