You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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