I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
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