oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
