bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
