Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
