i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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