I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
