Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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