I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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