I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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