you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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