dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
