He disabled his match.com account in front of me
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
