I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
His hands were made for my vagina.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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