Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
