I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
