Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I looked at my own cervix.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
