i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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