Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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