I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
