The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
