i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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