What did we do last night that was yellow?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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