She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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