I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
