eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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