Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
