you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
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you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
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He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
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