Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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