Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
