tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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