Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
