Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
