Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Buhtt sex?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
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