dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
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LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Someone signed my nipple.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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