How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Randomize
