Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
