i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
