WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
