Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
