rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
