you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She bit a glass in half.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
