I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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