I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
