So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
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I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
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so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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