I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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