Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
