Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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