im about as happy as oj after his trial
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
i need some magic done to my vagina
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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