Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
