Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
