My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
