That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
