Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize