You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
