last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
