Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
