Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
