you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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