Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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