I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
